10 Questions To Ask A Potential Therapist

**Disclosures- I am not a licensed therapist but have been the recipient of therapy for most of my life :). Everything written in the post is from personal experience and personal opinion. Be sure to do your research before engaging a therapist. Best of luck on your journey!**

How It All Began

If you’re reading this blog post, I will assume you are in the market for an amazing therapist. Let me start by saying, not all therapists are created equal. Finding the right therapist for you will make all the difference in your journey to healing and growth. How can you find the right therapist after 1 consultation? Very carefully. I’ve had my share of experiences with therapists, thankfully mine have all been positive. Let me share with you the steps I take and the questions I ask when searching for a therapist. 

I saw my first therapist when I was 3 years old and have continued in and out of therapy my entire life. I am an advocate for therapy for everyone but the fit has to be right! The wrong therapist can make things worse but the right therapist can literally change your life! 

My Why

in 2009, after 2 very depleting and toxic relationships, I found myself completely numb; I felt no joy or sadness, I was an empty shell who desperately needed help. I put on a strong front but inside, I was a disaster. I went to my mom and told her I needed help and wanted a therapist. She got some recommendations and I went to the initial consultation with my notebook full of thoughts and desires. I sat down in the room and went over my checklist of things that were wrong and things I wanted to change. When the appointment concluded, the therapist looked me dead in the eyes and said in all sincerity, I can help you. I felt in my core she was right and didn’t interview any others. We connected and that was enough for me. 

She really helped me turn things around. I started recognizing the impacts my childhood trauma had on my dating decisions. She helped me find feelings of self worth that weren’t centered on the attention of a guy. She encouraged me to make the seemingly hard decisions that ultimately set me on a new path. From this point forward, the guys I started to date were a much better fit for me. They were more independent emotionally and financially. I was able to have my own space. I only stayed in therapy for about 6 months before she felt she had given me all she could. In hindsight, I wasn’t ready for the next phase just yet.

The Next Phase

After a hard few years, I found myself in need of help again. My husbands cancer, my infertility, and a host of other challenges led me to need some extra support. Since my previous therapist retired, I needed to start the search again. Every day at work, for 2 years, I walked past the office of a LMFT on my way to the restroom. One day, I decided to look her up and reach out. I went armed with my list of questions and challenges I wanted to work through. By the end of it, I felt that same feeling again. Connection. I started working with her and continue to do so today whenever I need it.

10 Things To Consider or Ask

Here is a list of the 10 things I asked and considered when searching for the right therapist for me. 

Core values

You must find a therapist who understands your point of view. Your therapist does not need to share your same belief system, but they need to understand it. My therapist has a Christian background and although we are not of the same faith she has an understanding and respect of my views that has greatly benefited our sessions. 

Costs

Therapy can be pretty pricey if your insurance doesn’t cover it. You definitely get what you pay for, to a point. Great therapists are typically not affiliated with a large health care system. They typically operate independently and do so successfully because of word of mouth. Be wary of “Get Well Quick” type therapists. If someone claims “join our 4 week course for $10,000 and you’ll be fixed”, run away. Healing is not that simple. Be sure to ask about insurance coverage to see if some or all of your care is covered. Unfortunately my insurance is crap and doesn’t cover anything. To me, my therapist is worth the out of pocket cost.

Privacy policy

My mom and I share a therapist. This can be tricky sometimes but I gave my consent before my therapist engaged my mom as a client. I know and trust that whatever I say in my session stays in my session. Even if I talk about my mom, she treats it as the first time she has ever heard it, even if she already knows all about it. That matters! You need to be able to fully trust your therapist to keep your confidence. Of course there are safety things they are obligated by law to share, but you should be able to trust everything else will remain private. 

Generalities

If you’re like me, your life has been one rocky roller coaster and you can’t possibly express your life story in one session. Think of the most important aspects you want to focus on and bring them up to your potential therapist. Ask their recommended process for working through those challenges. Does their methods align with your own ideas and values?

Methods

In the past I’ve tried talk therapy and hypnotherapy. When I interviewed my current therapist she explained her process. EMDR- eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This method has changed my life. Truly. I highly recommend to anyone who has experienced trauma, to find a qualified EMDR therapist in your area and start living again!

Timeline

Be wary if a therapist says, I will have you better in X weeks or months. Everyone’s healing journey takes its own course and it is impossible to say when or if someone will be past a particular challenge. 

Education and Experience

New therapists are hit or miss. They are learning as they go. Its not necessarily a bad thing if you are a good fit, but there is something to say about experience. Make sure your therapist is continually educating themselves on new therapies and methods. Ask them when their last continuing education course was and how it helped them. Also make sure they are the right type of therapist- marriage therapist, family therapist, trauma therapist, etc.

Is Your Therapist In Therapy?

You want to make sure your own therapist is using the same tools he or she is offering. My therapist has been in ongoing therapy for years. She is not above the services she offers. Honestly, therapists hear very difficult and challenging stories from all of their clients. It would be unwise to not have an outlet for themselves as well.

Are they accepting

When sharing your stories, feelings, and situation did you find they had compassion and left judgement behind? This is someone you will be sharing your inner most struggles with. You want to feel safe doing so. 

Listen to your gut

Your intuition is there for a reason. How do you feel after your initial consultation. Do you feel like they can truly help you? How do you feel talking to them? Are you at ease and comfortable opening up? Do you feel eager to get started? Those are all good signs that the therapist you’ve met with is a good fit for you. If you don’t feel good after, don’t settle. You may be ready to start therapy but before you do, find the right person, otherwise it will not benefit you. 

Next Steps

I hope you found the questions and considerations helpful to you. Before you start your search of finding the right therapist, make sure you assess your needs. That way you will know the type of person you are looking for and the search should be much simpler.

Congratulations on starting your journey to a better and healthier you. I’d love to hear from you on your journey to wellness, please feel free to share your progress with me! Join me on Instagram to connect and get updates on future content.

Sincerely,

Amanda